1. Do a little more, each day.
2. Tell myself I am worth it and beautiful.
3. Take time for me everyday.
4. Rest when needed.
5. Keep moving.
6. Pray for others and myself.
7. Be with people who treat me well.
8. Follow my intuition and heart.
9. Enjoy time alone, with family, friends and my dog.
10. Have fun and go on adventures.
11. Try new things.
12. Don’t dwell on my past or worry too much about my future. Stay in the present.
13. I’m good and needed.
14. I am light and spread light.
15. I am blessed and share my blessings. 
16. Respect others and be open-minded.
17. Keep learning and growing.
18. Grow in faith.

This week has allowed me more time at home. 

There was the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday on Monday and Wednesday and Thursday were snow days from school. 

Friday was the only day I substitute taught. 

During the week my Dad and I worked well together. We made a delicious beef stew in the crockpot, did laundry and cleared the driveway of snow. It was special having these extra times to help and spend with one another. 

However, being home allowed me more time to focus my evenings on unhealthy thoughts. ”Too much time on my hands.” I spent wasted hours on my phone –searching the internet for ideas that I already knew the answers too. 

Reaching out to good friends through messages and phone calls helped me think more clearly and find the truth. 

When I returned to work at school on Friday, it was a positive experience to socialize with many people and boost my confidence.

Today, Saturday, my son stopped in to have a short visit from college. It always makes me happy to see him. 

After he left I went out for a short while by myself. I felt fine eating lunch alone as there were others eating alone or together. While I sat in my booth sipping my coffee, I felt a calmness as the snow lightly fell. Quietly I told myself I am fine.

As night approaches on this frigid evening I will cuddle with my dog. He will stay close as I: drink tea, listen to music, write, and watch Netflix.

It has been almost two months since I last wrote on my blog site. I returned to substitute teaching. There have been benefits with this decision. As an inexperienced writer, I struggled to make a career of my writing. Someday, I will publish some of my writing. I still carry the dream. 

The past couple of months have been a struggle for me with my depression. Sometimes I write more or less. The sunlight has been limited and activities less. During my days, I try and push myself to do more. Continue to “get out” and walk with my dog. Prepare meals and baked goods to share with friends and family. Stay in contact with friends and family; however, trying to not sound too needy.

I reach out more to my doctors and therapist. Today we briefly discussed not making New Year’s Resolutions. It is good to think positive and make improvements, but why do we feel we need to make drastic changes. We should honor and love ourselves and not feel like what we are currently doing is necessarily bad or wrong. Resolutions usually fail and make us feel worse.

Gradual changes and being gentle with our words and actions are more beneficial. I have written about finding my balance and we all are searching for this in our lives. I will get through this time and hope to write more often in my journals or the blog. I feel more aware with my thoughts, emotions and dreams when I write. 

The rest of the week I return to substitute teaching and I feel good about this time. 

A card on my desks reads, “You Are Not Alone in This.” This message often runs through my mind as I go through my life journey. I am told God is always there for me. I believe this most of the time; however, most activities I participate in, I am “alone.”

A mix of emotions fill me as I drive short day trips. It is exciting to be independent and going places. Then mistakes of bad relationships with men creep in my mind. I tell my mind to stop going down these roads and focus on how far I have healed. Then I obsess over a guy I really liked, but it was nothing more than a friendship. I feel like a teenage girl all over again.

My dreams of a good marriage or relationship seem hopeless. I share too much of myself and give too much to the other. I have prayed not to be alone and have had visions of the kind of man I want to be with. Nothing changes –just another day and night pass by.

I keep moving ahead with my family, friends and dog. I search for the goodness of being single.

Today, I saw a small plane fly over the church I attended. Immediately, I thought of getting away in the near future. Yes, move on.

My Grandmother Churchill lived to be 100 and her health and mind were strong. She volunteered in a Green Thumb program and was a receptionist at her local DEC in Stamford, NY. In her later years, she could no longer drive and stopped working. She missed her independence. My grandfather who passed away before I was born, died at the young age of 66. After his death, my grandmother never dated or was with another gentleman. I always had great respect for my Grandmother; however, even for her, it must have been lonely even with a big family.

Unfortunately, my marriage ended after a few years due to mental health issues, abuse and addiction problems. Basically, I have been a single woman for 15 years. Sometimes by choice and other times because there has been no interest on either end. Most of the time I enjoy my freedom and time with my family and friends. On the other hand, I am human and long for some companionship and attention from an interested, good man.

I desire to do different activities like: hike, snowshoe, eat out or home, have a cup of coffee, laugh and talk with a gentleman for friendship. Unfortunately, this never happens because the guy freaks out and ignores me and politely says they are not interested or some are selfish and use me. I am a strong believer in friendship and this is usually all I am interested in. Most guys in our area think if you invite them to do something or tell them you like them, then you want to marry them. No. My good girlfriends who are older, single and more experienced gently give me advice. It is already what I know, but hearing their words spoken aloud help reinforce my actions and feelings to move on. Once again my heart breaks, and I am let down again by reaching out to a guy who likes the attention, but will not to give back.

As I am 50, half of the age that my Grandmother Churchill lived to be, I am reflecting again about relationships. I know this is a temporary set-back, but I am tired of putting myself out there. Sometimes I think if I moved somewhere in the future, a friendship with a guy might be more possible. I am not giving up on companionship. For now, it is best and easier growing within family, friends and myself.

The full moon is approaching soon and the time will fall back an hour next weekend. I enjoy seeing the different phases of the moon. When she is full, my intuition and emotions are deeper. I may open up even more and share my thoughts and feelings to close friends and family. Sometimes my dreams are more vivid and I write about them in my dream journal.

While the cycle of the moon changes, so does the time and seasons. Last week I took pictures of beautiful red leaves in a maple tree. This week going back to hike by the same tree, her limbs are bare and some of her leaves are left dispersed underneath.

While hiking with my dog in nature we have seen bear cubs at dusk and deer cross our path during the morning. The animals are busy moving around during hunting season. They to are preparing for the time change and seasons of Autumn to Winter.

Although I dread it being dark by five at night, we need the winter to slowdown and rest up. The cooler months keep me home more and I enjoy getting more sleep. Thanksgiving and Christmas are delightful times to spend with my family. The fellowship over special meals and giving presents is one of my favorite activities to share.

Once again, embrace the changes in your life. Search for the good in life.

Most of the time I like to keep to-do-lists, calendars and weekly meal plans. It feels like an accomplishment when I cross off the tasks completed each day. A bonus is when I add more to my lists and finish them. I am old school and like to use pencils, pens, written calendars and notebooks to record these jobs. About the only thing I do with my phone is keep a grocery list.

Although I enjoy structure in my days, I am open to change. If a friend or family member wants to do something, I make sure to make them a priority in my week. When the weather has been cold and gloomy then a couple of warmer and sunny days pop up, I do not hesitate to re-arrange my schedule to get outside as much as possible.

I know not everyone has this flexibility and I am grateful for what God, my family and friends have provided me with. My life like many, has not always been like this. I have worked hard to get where I am and appreciate all of life’s gifts and lessons. Some parts of my life were challenging and difficult while others were easy. Faith, professionals, family and friends have always pulled me through the good and the bad.

To get back to the title of this blog, change of plans–sometimes we need to listen to god, others and our intuition and do what is good and feels right. It may be scary and a big leap: however, in the end these changes may be the best thing we have ever done. Keep dreaming and give light to make small and big changes.

I am an average housecleaner of our home. It is fairly easy keeping up with the basics then clean like crazy when family visits or my son comes home from college. I enjoy having a clean home. Our home is big and basically I am in charge of keeping things tidy and in order.

My Dad and I live together. He has COPD and is on oxygen all the time. Cleaning is out of the question for him. He appreciates my cooking, cleaning, errands, spending time together and helping take care of him where needed. I enjoy being a caregiver.

He lets me decorate our home the way I desire. My sister and son prefer simplicity and laugh at all of my trinkets. I am an artist and simple things like: a piece of wood with a design on it, stones with words of encouragement, a feather, origami birds from former students, hand-carved wooden crosses– all of these things and more fill me with great joy and love.

Although dusting is my least favorite chore, once I start, I am carried away in memories. Each picture, angel figurine, rooster and hen salt and pepper shaker, book, wooden pen box, paper flower that I dust off transports me back to my past, present and places me in my future dreams.

Why do I put off dusting when it actually becomes more fun then scrubbing a toilet or tub. I feel satisfied when completing different chores; however, dusting makes me think and feel . If you are physically able to clean your home, do it. If not find someone to help you. Clean to gain a more positive attitude. You will feel better mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

The weather has been cooler and damp these past couple of days. Our days are turning shorter and darker. Soon we will change our clocks back. I know we need the four seasons in Northern New York State. I appreciate all of them; however, living here with six months of winter is too long. Each person feels differently about the seasons.

Today I miss the warmth of the sun as I walked in a cool drizzle. My smile and spring in my step have faded. Normally I enjoy visiting with others I see on the street, instead short hellos and talks about the weather.

The day is making me want to write more about my vulnerabilities. Thoughts of past experiences and an unknown future make me think in a less positive mindset. Normally I am optimistic and full of dreams.

Perhaps this day is trying to show me a reflection of who I am and what I want from life. We all want to be appreciated and told how we make a difference. I do receive many thank you remarks and praises from friends and family. However, I am searching for an extra word or words today. If it does not come from another, perhaps from God.

I am taking good care of myself by walking, eating right, staying active, resting, writing, praying and getting out soon. Looking forward to writing and reading more this afternoon over lunch by myself. Tomorrow I will join a dear friend of mine for lunch and fellowship. Her company is some of my favorite time. Her husband is a retired Reverend and she is a retired Pastor’s wife. The two of them continue to serve the Lord and others with their whole hearts. They will always be dedicated Christians. I look up to them and honor them dearly.

As I finish up this blog, the sun is pushing through the clouds. Always find your joy in life and the people who lift you up. Pray at all seasons of your life. We’re never alone. Get help if needed. We are more alike than different. Blessings over all of you.

I

I enjoyed teaching in a Mennonite School and a Public School and felt I was placed in the right position to help others as they helped me. Now as I shifted away from teaching and am starting my writing career, I find God has continued to guide me through my journey.

Although my days may seem less-structured from teaching full-time; I am blessed to make my own schedule. Each day I set-goals to: pray, help my aging father, contact family from a distance, walk my dog, eat healthy (most of the time), write, read, cook, run errands, clean, volunteer at the Humane Society, or whatever the need may arise.

I realize not everyone may have the same opportunities as me or want to live the way I do. That is fine. For myself, I am grateful to be where I am in a safe and loving home in a caring community. My son and I do like to travel and go on day trips or weekends. Getting away helps us learn more about other people and places– while still appreciating our hometown.

While getting out more, I find I am listening better to: friends, family and stranger’s stories. We all have so much in common and experience many of the same feelings. I am on God’s time, if possible. I arrive places when the time is right. If I am running an errand or have an appointment, I stop and visit longer especially when someone really needs to share something on their hearts and minds.

Unfortunately, not everyone is able to change their career or life directions if they have this desire. Life is a gift and cherish what you do. Sometimes the same career and routine works well for some, while others may dream for change. It is all good–just do what makes you happy.