My Grandmother Churchill lived to be 100 and her health and mind were strong. She volunteered in a Green Thumb program and was a receptionist at her local DEC in Stamford, NY. In her later years, she could no longer drive and stopped working. She missed her independence. My grandfather who passed away before I was born, died at the young age of 66. After his death, my grandmother never dated or was with another gentleman. I always had great respect for my Grandmother; however, even for her, it must have been lonely even with a big family.

Unfortunately, my marriage ended after a few years due to mental health issues, abuse and addiction problems. Basically, I have been a single woman for 15 years. Sometimes by choice and other times because there has been no interest on either end. Most of the time I enjoy my freedom and time with my family and friends. On the other hand, I am human and long for some companionship and attention from an interested, good man.

I desire to do different activities like: hike, snowshoe, eat out or home, have a cup of coffee, laugh and talk with a gentleman for friendship. Unfortunately, this never happens because the guy freaks out and ignores me and politely says they are not interested or some are selfish and use me. I am a strong believer in friendship and this is usually all I am interested in. Most guys in our area think if you invite them to do something or tell them you like them, then you want to marry them. No. My good girlfriends who are older, single and more experienced gently give me advice. It is already what I know, but hearing their words spoken aloud help reinforce my actions and feelings to move on. Once again my heart breaks, and I am let down again by reaching out to a guy who likes the attention, but will not to give back.

As I am 50, half of the age that my Grandmother Churchill lived to be, I am reflecting again about relationships. I know this is a temporary set-back, but I am tired of putting myself out there. Sometimes I think if I moved somewhere in the future, a friendship with a guy might be more possible. I am not giving up on companionship. For now, it is best and easier growing within family, friends and myself.